Thursday, February 28, 2013

Jodi Arias case February 28 Thursday

the Jodi Arias trial is better than any courtroom drama ever written. Prosecutor Jose Martinez is trying to break her on the stand- to admit whether she had planned to kill Travis before she got to his apartment. She started crying and couldnt go on so the judge had to stop and break for recess. Its starting up again in an hour. If he breaks her on the stand today and she admits she had it all planned out oy, what can I say? I really beleived it wasn't premeditated. My next book will have to be Don't Kill That Man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Watching the Jodi Arias case discussion on Dr Drew and he has a criminal expert saying she was a stalker- as an author of a internationally famous book in this area I must say that I am disappointed in Dr Drew and this expert- when Jodi was checking Travis out on Myspace years ago she was looking to see if he was cheating on her and indeed he was- was that stalking or bustng a narcissistc sociopathic  manipulative liar who is cheating on you

Tuesday, February 19, 2013




Sweet story/video about a very successful woman who was determined to find a relationship and went on an online dating site and met a cool artsy guy - which led to marriage




http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/03/fashion/weddings/lisa-schwartz-david-jacobsen-weddings.html

Monday, February 18, 2013

the Jodi Arias case Feb 18, 2013

Jodi Arias is like thousands of women who are read my books. Enamored, or should I say obsessed with a non committal, charismatic, handsome, sexy, seductive men. She went down a different path though when she killed the guy rather than knowing when to walk away form the black jack table, and making an appointment with a therapist!

You can ...see from her testimony that she was in complete denial of her rage at Travis by making such a production out of wanting to be "friends" with him even after he dumped her for other women. Wasn't she insulted? Humiliated? Talk about being out of touch with your feelings.

I don't think the murder was premeditated though. I don't think she was driving around plotting and planning how she was going to knock him off. I think at the end she traveled 1000 miles there to get her Travis fix. When us girls are infatuated with a man we travel. I once flew from NY to Paris to spend a weekend with a man I was infatuated with. ( I paid for the airfare and he wasn't even my boyfriend) When you aggressively pursue men you like and you have the resources to do it, you have to be a big girl and know how to deal if and when it doesn't turn out the way you want.Often you can't stay friends if it doesn't work out. And who wants to be friends with some guy who rejects or hurts you anyway- so no loss there!

Oh, and I certainly don't think she wasn't under his hypnotic spell.Give me a break. Please! This isn't exactly Clinton, president of the US and leader of the free world and Monica Lewinski. This is Travis, some typical, a dime a dozen, narcisssitc, , non committal ambivalent man into kinky sex It was Jodi who made him into this glorious superstar. She hypnotized herself. This not a case of "battered womens syndrome". She didn't live with him ,he didn't support her financially, she wasn't married to him and didn't have children with him. It's a case of a woman in love, obsessed, in like with a man who frustrated her and enacted a lot of his intimacy issues with her .
It seems that Travis was dealing with some kind of Madonna/whore complex with a split between his idealized woman/wife/ partner image and his desire for a sexually aggressive/assertive woman. He may have had some self hatred for his own love of kinky,light S and M sex and projected his disgust on to Jodi. Perhaps this explains why he needed to always be distancing from her and punishing her with his new girlfriends. Travis desired Jodi but not for a marriage. However she wanted the whole enchilada with him and couldn't cope with her feelings of abandonment rejection and loss. She is not Travis' victim though. She could have stopped bothering with him any time she wanted. It was her choice to stay connected to him.

Their relationship was a sadomasochistic one. When he'd torture her with telling her about his other women he was seing she'd go along with it like a submissive masochist. Yes she occasionally dated other men but only to retaliate in some way- to gain some of her power back from him. I dont think she'd d have dated any men or even look at one if Travis had committed to her. She was just marking time with those men to fill in the gap. If Jody had been is some type of therapy at the very least reading some type of self help relationship books out there( including mine) she may have just told him to take a hike with his immature stupid middle school dating behavio . Instead she grabbed the sadistic position at the end to the umpteenth degree and killed him. In the last few moments I bet he rejected her in some way probably torturing her with some more women info which pushed her over the edge. She snapped, went insane and bludeoned him to death.

Well,so much for trying to be friends with a man who has humiliated you and rejected you.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Analyzing Men

Analyzing men



Some therapists will tell their women patients that they should only focus on their feelings and not try to analyze the men they are having problems with. I don't agree. I think it is very beneficial for women to understand the psychological dynamics of the men they have been hurt by, traumatized by  or just trying to detach from
The first reason is that understanding men psychologically  helps a woman understand that his rejecting or distancing behavior may have nothing to do with her personally. It may be more about his own  issues that he's projecting onto her. For instance if he had a mother who was too enmeshed with him when he was a child, he may feel engulfed in a relationship with a woman and distance from her whenever he feels himself getting too close. Or if a man has been rejected and hurt by unavailable women he could be sadistic and reject a woman who he has a connection with to get her to feel how much pain he has been in with women in the past- this is known as projective identification. This kind of behavior can be very damaging/ sadistic and is tremendously helpful for a woman to understand it rather than collude with it or take it personally.
Having an understanding of these kind of psychological dynamics can be very empowering and freeing.
It's also important to understand if you are repeating patterns with men. For instance, if you realize that you are dating men with narcissistic features, than understanding these dynamics could give you insight into yourself so that you don't keep making the same choices.
It's in my opinion that when therapists don't want to spend time helping a client understand the psychological dynamics of a man they'ree involved with or trying to break away from, and instead insist they just discuss or explore their  own issues and feelings, a client could experience the therapist as controlling and withholding.
Rhonda Findling

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Don't Look Your Ex Up On Facebook


Facebook

Don’t go on your ex's Facebook page! Do not accept their friend requests! Going on their Facebook page or any other socializing sites where they are active is very self destructive when you’re trying to detach from  someone you had a relationship with. You could see their Facebook friends, or worse, cutesy messages people scrawl on their  wall. You could also read the witty, seductive comments they writes back to them. Why would you give your ex, who has rejected or hurt you, the satisfaction of socializing with other people right in front of you?

            And God forbidthe worstthe very worstyou could notice on their relationship status  that it says “in a relationship”! Or even more upsetting, what if you see the person’s name and picture whom they're having a relationship with? Then you’ll want to become Facebook friends with themto dig up more info on them. You may become insanely angry , obsessing all day long over “what do they have that I don’t?”

By the time you’re done, your whole life will be focused on your ex and their life. If you don’t look, you only have to contend with what you already know. Even if you are a lucky gambler and see that their still single, just looking at their pictures could upset you or trigger your wanting to contact them. So de-friend them and do not accept any of their friend requests to avoid all of these possible problems.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

I'm happy to announce that I will now be blogging on my website. I am currently working on a
 Don't Text That Man! Journal to help my readers in their journey to detach from a man they feel they are in a dysfunctional relationship with, and trying to detach from. I will be announcing when it is available on Kindle. I will be blogging again next week so stay tuned.
Rhonda