Analyzing men
Some therapists will tell their women patients that they
should only focus on their feelings and not try to analyze the men they are
having problems with. I don't agree. I think it is very beneficial for women to
understand the psychological dynamics of the men they have been hurt by, traumatized by or just trying to detach from
The first reason is that understanding men psychologically helps a woman understand that his rejecting or distancing behavior may have nothing to do with her personally. It may be more about his own issues that he's projecting onto her. For instance if he had a mother who was too enmeshed with him when he was a child, he may feel engulfed in a relationship with a woman and distance from her whenever he feels himself getting too close. Or if a man has been rejected and hurt by unavailable women he could be sadistic and reject a woman who he has a connection with to get her to feel how much pain he has been in with women in the past- this is known as projective identification. This kind of behavior can be very damaging/ sadistic and is tremendously helpful for a woman to understand it rather than collude with it or take it personally.
Having an understanding of these kind of psychological dynamics can be very empowering and freeing.
It's also important to understand if you are repeating patterns with men. For instance, if you realize that you are dating men with narcissistic features, than understanding these dynamics could give you insight into yourself so that you don't keep making the same choices.
It's in my opinion that when therapists don't want to spend time helping a client understand the psychological dynamics of a man they'ree involved with or trying to break away from, and instead insist they just discuss or explore their own issues and feelings, a client could experience the therapist as controlling and withholding.
Rhonda Findling
The first reason is that understanding men psychologically helps a woman understand that his rejecting or distancing behavior may have nothing to do with her personally. It may be more about his own issues that he's projecting onto her. For instance if he had a mother who was too enmeshed with him when he was a child, he may feel engulfed in a relationship with a woman and distance from her whenever he feels himself getting too close. Or if a man has been rejected and hurt by unavailable women he could be sadistic and reject a woman who he has a connection with to get her to feel how much pain he has been in with women in the past- this is known as projective identification. This kind of behavior can be very damaging/ sadistic and is tremendously helpful for a woman to understand it rather than collude with it or take it personally.
Having an understanding of these kind of psychological dynamics can be very empowering and freeing.
It's also important to understand if you are repeating patterns with men. For instance, if you realize that you are dating men with narcissistic features, than understanding these dynamics could give you insight into yourself so that you don't keep making the same choices.
It's in my opinion that when therapists don't want to spend time helping a client understand the psychological dynamics of a man they'ree involved with or trying to break away from, and instead insist they just discuss or explore their own issues and feelings, a client could experience the therapist as controlling and withholding.
Rhonda Findling
